I wish you were here

I cannot begin to tell you the complete peace I am feeling. In my own right, I have found balance.

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Growing up I was born and raised in the city. I am a city girl! I loved life as I knew it in Southern California and all it had to offer. The beaches, sites, amusement parks, drives, Hollywood, Los Angeles, great food, 24 hour drive thrus and just about anything else I could imagine I wanted to do especially on spur of the moment!

When my parents had separated and later divorced, we all went through some changes. Changes that I would not truly "appreciate" until later in life.

My Dad took us camping, fishing, hiking and all the little dirty stuff that girls normally didn't care for. Mom was the domesticated one. Cooking, baking, canning, cleaning, sewing; all the domesticated stuff my sisters enjoyed but I only cared about my sports! Who knew this would all one day come together... when I allowed it to~

A few days ago my Mother-in-law invited us down to her house. We had been trying to plan this trip for the past several months. It has been hectic and finally the opportunity presented itself to be able to come for our visit...

..... a visit that has changed "my world" as I know it.

The morning had come of the day we were to leave. Sent my son off to school and my husband Eric and I went through the house and started to pack. As Eric relentlessly nagged about everything being done and rushing me to be ready, (which could be lethal to his health!), the hour came that my son Nicholas was home and off we went. Away from Sacramento and off to a little town outside of Yosemite~ country or bust!

Now, let me just share something with you, I DID NOT welcome the move from Southern California to Sacramento years earlier~ I was about 20, coming up on 21 and there wasn't ANYTHING of interest to me! As I looked around there weren't many stores, NOTHING OPEN 24 HOURS,(even the grocery stores closed at 10ish), no IN N OUT, no Tommy Burger....."What the hell do you people do here in Sacramento? Milk cows?". NOT a happy camper was I!

So needless to say, shocked I was and it took a loooooooong time for me to adjust. So long that I flew back and forth from Sacramento to Los Angeles many times the first two years! Let us not mention that when meeting my husband and the move we made to Oregon a few years back! WHOA NELLY!

Some years have passed now. I have changed and even cut back on my Starbucks and enjoy a slower pace of life.

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We're driving out of Sacramento and I am in the backseat texting and checking emails, facebook and in a panic of when I will loose reception! My son is wonderously looking out the window and Eric is catching up with his Mom.

As for any road trip, comes the infamous stops of eating, potty breaks and for us, smoke breaks. Lucky for me, my Mother-In-Law Jacque was in tune with my craving and we stopped at Panda Express! (Thank you Jacque!)

Leaving and getting back out on the road, I sent a text to my Mom and not long thereafter....NO SIGNAL. YIKES!

It was dark now and I settled in my seat and allowed myself to welcome the next few days. A welcome I will never forget.

Driving down the highway until there was maybe a town market, which included the local deli/grocery, I began to feel a sense of calm. I was relaxed. No longer in my element, but coming into one of a much more peaceful environment. I was content that I already knew, " I was at Home".

We settled in, brought our bags in, and said our hellos to my Father-In-Law Wayne; and then I was off. Out to the deck I took my son.

I was too eager to have Jacque turn off the lights on the back deck which sits high up on a hill overlooking such an amazing view, in which to see something I have not seen in so long and was now able to share with my son.

A zillion stars! It took my back to when we were kids and our first camping trip. I will never forget my Dad's answer to our question, "Why are there so many stars here but not at home?", "The stars you see are ALWAYS here. You just can't see them because of all the city lights...". ~Camping trip Grand Canyon.

I held Nicholas in my arms and simply gazed in awe of the beauty that lit the night before us. All my troubles, all the stress, anything of energy that I allow myself to get worked up over, left me. All of it behind me, as if from another lifetime. The here and now, in this one small moment, as if it had always been. Waiting. And in this moment, I am happy. I wish "you" were here.

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THANK YOU Mom and Dad for all that you have given and shared with me and my sisters. You really did place the world in front of us for all it had to offer.

I will NEVER forget when Mom said she was taking us camping. We were shits and giggles! Mom camping, dirt, tent....NO WAY! And off we were packing and anticipating a weekend of Mom getting dirty and roughing it! Just as Dad took us- hanging the bad of water out all day to warm to use for our shower, hooking our own bait, gutting and eating the fish we caught, pitching our own tents, rolling our sleeping bags tight, using "Mother Nature's" bathroom!...we were dying over to see Mom do all this with us too!

Well, NO WAY, was absolutely right! There we were, in Yosemite, checking in at Tenaya Lodge! Eating filet mignon, while campers cooked on hibachis or an open fire; laying in a turned down bed while others pitched there tents or opened up their campers and layed out sleeping bags; watching the movie we ordered on the room t.v. while the rest of the park watched the shooting stars that put on a show in the sky! How funny is that! I ♥ you Mom.

You both gave us a "well rounded" life. From getting dirty and experiencing things we might not have on our own, to being have in 5 star restaurants and knowing how to be a lady. Upholding ourselves with our manners and appearance all while showing up the boys we know how to truck right along with them! THANK YOU BOTH! I have learned much and am now greatful for all of it.

I now wish to cook and sew. To be proud of all the efforts and hard work it takes to run a home and my family. To be able to appreciate the outdoors and the peace it brings and the smiles that are exchanged with waves of passer bys. To share these things with our children. I love this the most. You gave me memories of immesurable value to now pass to my sons. I only wish I would have shown my appreciation in earlier years. As you watch me continue to grow, keep an eye on your Grandchildren and the smiles that brighten their face...for it is not just because I share these life moments with them, it is a gift you already gave them long ago handed down through me...... My eyes tear up. I Love you Mom and Dad.


I wish you were here.



THANK YOU.

♥ Tania